The fast was officially over last week but due to a very busy schedule I didn’t get around to posting anything last week. I’ve got to get better about that.
Anyway, I wanted to do a recap to let those of you interested know how it went. My focus on this fast was to stop worrying so much. It’s the sin I struggle with the most and it pretty much controls my life most of the time. Between losing my father in law back in December and a few weeks after that, the school shootings in Newtown, I was living on the edge of my seat waiting for a bad phone call every day, a complete nervous wreck.
On the third day of my fast, I was reading Crazy Love during lunch when my husband called me. His voice didn’t sound right and the first word he said was “Mom” and my mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. I lost it. My whole body started shaking and I was sobbing. I didn’t hear the rest of what he said but it turned out he was yawning while trying to tell me something his mom learned about from the bank regarding a loan. Something I had specifically prayed about for her that morning in fact. But I didn’t hear any of it because I was in complete freak out mode thinking something horrible had happened. Now that, my friends, is ridiculous. That’s when I knew fear and worry had consumed me and it was in control, not me and not the Lord.
It took me several minutes after that to regain my composure and I thanked the Lord for answering my prayers for Marie and for who He is then I picked up reading where I left off in my book. When I turned the page, this is what I read next:
God never ceases to amaze me with his timing.
I have noticed an improvement in the level of fear I carry around daily. But it’s not a one of those things you get victory over and then never think about again. Worry is something I will probably always struggle with, but I’ve learned if I stay close to the Lord I will be better equipped to fight off those thoughts and not let it consume me. I sort of see it as getting out of the boat and walking on the water toward Jesus like Peter did. The wind and waves are always there threatening to take me over, but as long as I stay focused on Jesus, I won’t sink and I won’t succumb to the water/worry.
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Matt 14:29-31
I worry about the safety of my children the most, my safety and the rest of my family. I don’t want to lose another loved one. But I don’t want to remain in fear everyday of these things happening. I want to be one of these people:
I finished Crazy Love during my fast as I planned to, but I didn’t move on to Forgotten God yet. I really needed to not rush into the next book without meditating on what I’d read in Crazy Love. It’s one of those books that you don’t need to rush through and it really requires adequate pondering. There’s a lot we American Christians do out of habit or wrong thinking that we think are right that just aren’t. This was a hard pill to swallow, but I am determined to change a few things I read about in the book in my own life.
If you did a fast this January, I’d love to hear about it. And if you blogged it, leave me your link so I can come read about your experience too.