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Crossroads

June 30, 2012 by Trina 14 Comments

I’m a planner by nature.  I like to know what is happening at all times and of course I need to know when and where and for how long.  It makes me feel “in control”, but of course that’s not really the case.  But it feels that way.

We all know there are too many things in life that can change in the blink of an eye, catching you {me} completely off guard and leaving you {me} asking, “What in the heck just happened?!”  Such a thing happened to me last week.

I walked in to work last Thursday morning only to hear that my position was being eliminated due to “restructuring” and that it was my last day.  I was to pack my stuff and leave that morning.

My “security” was gone.

It’s taken me a week to write this post because I didn’t want to write it until I’d been through the full spectrum of feelings: sadness, anger, bitterness, anxiety, fear, betrayal, inadequacy etc.  I didn’t want to write this angry, or sad.  I wanted to write this after the Lord was able to speak to me.

I’d been in that job for 9.5 years.  I felt secure.  I liked what I did and recently felt more accomplished than I’d had in a long time.  However, lately I had not been happy for several reasons.  I won’t go into all the details here, but it didn’t have anything to do with my actual work.  I can tell you though it’s quite miserable to go into work each Monday already wishing for Friday and that’s what I was doing.

So I stand at a crossroads.  What do I do now?

I’ve got some ideas rolling around in my head but I would covet your prayers that the Lord will direct my path.  This didn’t take him by surprise and I know he’s going to use it in an amazing way.  I want to fully follow him through this transition and I want him to receive GLORY through my VICTORY.  Because I will be victorious.  I will be better off than I was before.  The Lord doesn’t close a WINDOW without opening a DOOR.

I’ve decided if this is what it takes for the Lord to show me that my only security is in HIM, then so be it.  Maybe it’s his way of teaching me what it really means to fully rely on HIM.  Because so far I’ve only had a head knowledge that “in him I’m secure”.  I want to know it in my heart too.

Maybe this is about GROWTH.  Well, I’m at the place where now I want to grow whatever the cost.  I might kick and scream, because growth is painful, but in the end it’ll be all worth it.

Now, which way to turn…left or right? :)

 

14 Comments

  1. Although I know in a way it feels like the wind is kind of ripped from under your sails, the whole security blanket thing–these things happen so something new and exciting can occur-and I’m really excited FOR you to see what that is!

    Praying for direction and guidance for you my friend.

  2. Praying for you! He has plans for you Trina, plans for good and not disaster, plans for a hope and a future! He will give you everything you need as long as you continue to seek Him (which I know you will).

  3. Trina,
    You are beautifully made by God and doesn’t make mistakes. He has a plan for you and He will never disappoint you. I will pray for you, I will pray God will give you a calming heart and lift you up to see the light. He is walking this path holding you in his arms, you are not alone. He will guide you and give you and your family wisdom for the next chapter in your lives. Big hug!

  4. Just like that? From one day to another? You don’t have to be a control-junkie to be shocked by that!
    I wish you all the best for what is to come. You know: It will all be okay in the end. If it isn’t okay it’s not the end!
    Blessings!

  5. I saw your tweets about this… I can’t imagine. Hang in there. Praying for the answers to reveal themselves SOON!

  6. I am a planner, too, Trina – my husband has been laid off 3 times in the last 7 years (and we’ve had to move to different states twice for him to get work). But, I can honestly say that every time & every move has brought us closer together and made us rely more heavily on the Lord’s will for our family. Now we look back and truly cannot imagine having stayed in Oregon with our families where life was easy & comfortable. And he has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams for following where He leads and having faith (not doubting) in His plan. I will lift you up in prayer as you go through this tough time – His ways are not our ways, but they are ALWAYS better. Hang in there, girl!

  7. well I am very sorry that you lost your job. NO one likes to feel that way…but I do know that God’s ways are higher than our ways. Also I know that you could make a bundle with this blog. You are a mom and hip one that doesn’t go on and on about mommy troubles…like it’s not a “mommy blog” ya know what I mean. BUT the good thing about you is that you are relatable since you do have kids. There just aren’t that many blogs like that….so roll with it sister. do what you love and if its not blogging then I get that too…but be encouraged God doesn’t shut a door without opening a window – you are in HIS hands…so don’t doubt it. Go with it.

  8. Oh Trina, I know EXACTLY how you feel! I just started a job this past week after looking for work for over a year. And my husband was laid off in May. I hate the feeling of no “security!”

    Over the last year, while I was looking for work, things were getting worse for my husband at work and I felt so lost. I felt that the Lord just forgot about me. Here He was teaching me to trust Him. It was a hard lesson to learn, and I wasn’t always faithful.

    I finally felt some security with this job, then I came home Weds from my first day and my hubs tells me he has 2 2nd interviews this week which will require us to move. So much for security.

    I’ll be praying for you pretty girl! I know as women we CRAVE and NEED that security, the ability to plan everything, but we know He’s always working in us! Keep the faith, it could be a blessing in disguise! My husband’s layoff was similar. Time heals all wounds, I know you’re hearing every cliche right now, but one day you’ll look back and smile on this time! Keep smiling!

  9. Trina I am so sorry that you really didn’t have any heads up on this (not much of one), but as we all know God has a reason for eveything and in His own timing- believe me I am dealing with a situation right now in my own life that I am having to sit back and pray like the prayer warrior that I am and having the strong faith I am grounded with and wait on Him to work in His own way and timing. I know He has something better for you and He hasn’t forgotten about you since He has each of our names engraved in HIS HAND so I know you being the “in control” kind of person you speak of I know you will let go and let God do His work in you and in your family. You have not backed down from anything that has affected you since I have had the honor of having you as a friend and I know you will be strong in your faith and He will supply your needs because He has promised this. I will continue to pray for you my dear friend and lift you up the best way I know how. If you ever need anything please let me know. As Amy said as women we need to feel security and when we don’t whatever the reason, we kind of go into ( a cliche word) panic mode because as women we have it ingrained in us to need that feeling of security and when we don’t have it then it can cause all sorts of feelings that only as women we can relate, too. I really don’t think “control” has anything to do with the need for security- it’s just feels good to have it.

  10. Will be praying for you, Trina. It is a shock, and it’s times like these that show us God knows what He’s doing. Relax, pray, and know many others are praying for you, too.

  11. Praying for you Trina! I totally agree… when God closes a door he opens a window! So many times when things happen we are frustrated because we don’t understand his plan for us. I’m sure soon enough you’ll be looking back and saying ‘I would never have thought this opportunity would have happened” – But it did! (has happened to me with jobs (etc) before!)

    Good luck, stay strong and God bless!

  12. I just want you to know that I really admire you for keeping such a positive attitude! Keep your head high, God has something awesome in store or you!

  13. God is amazing and even though our ways aren’t His, we know He is sovereign, and I know you are in the palm of His hands. Thinking and praying for you sweet girl!

  14. You are going to do great! I’ve been through something similar very recently (http://www.crumlyfamily.blogspot.com/2012_03_01_archive.html) and my husband has been laid off twice in the last few years. While it wasn’t easy, we were taken care of. Our story is still being written and that is what is so exciting. There is something fantastic on the horizon for you! Just said a prayer for you. Wishing you all the best!