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A Secure Woman Is…

April 27, 2010 by Trina 11 Comments

Beth loves acronyms and she taught us how to be secure by using the most obvious one.  You guessed it: SECURE.

Before she got into the acronym portion so reminded us that Insecurity and Humilty are not the same.  Insecurity is NOT a weakness, it is unbelief.  Specifically unbelief in who God is and what He says about us.

The verses she used for this teaching are found in Ephesians 4:1-5:2.

A Secure Woman is…

*Saved from herself. {Not obsessed with herself}.  I think it’s important to point out being obsessed with oneself doesn’t just mean thinking we’re the best all the time or thinking highly of ourselves.  It’s also obsessing over how we’re not the best, prettiest, most talented, etc.  I loved how Beth put it this way, “The human mind left to itself will always twist into an idolatrous self interest.”  Secure people are free from thinking about themselves all the time.

*Entitled to truth.  We as women often believe the lie that to be valuable is to be sensual or at least desirable.  The truth that we are entitled to in Christ is nothing close to that.  As daughters of the King we are highly valued just because we are His.  That is where our value comes from and likewise our security should come from that truth.  We will all get wrinkles, we will all lose our younger bodies as they give away to age.  If our security is locked up in our looks or sensuality it simply won’t carry us through. Prov 31:25  I love this verse. 

She is clothed with strength and dignity; 
she can laugh at the days to come.

*Clothed with intention.  Being secure in who we are doesn’t happen by accident.  We have to be intentional about “putting on the new self”.  Eph 4:22-24

22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

The battle is won or lost in our minds.  We can’t start acting secure until we start thinking it.  To make a conscious decision to think, “I am a child of God and dearly loved.  How would a secure woman react to this situation?” 

*Upended by grace.  Oh this is a good one.  Think about this.  How much of our {your} unforgiveness is due to our {your} insecurity?  When we are unsecure everything comes to us as an offense.  Beth talked about how when we are insecure we are reluctant to give grace to people.  We harbor unforgiveness, we hold grudges.  We are used to the idea that once we give something away, we can’t keep it.  Grace turns everything upside down.  Its the only thing we can give away, yet still keep.   A great point Beth made was this: If the heart is hurt and we don’t seek healing for it {from Christ}, that heart has no choice but to harden.  I know the last thing I want is a hardened heart. 
Eph 4:26-27

26"In your anger do not sin"[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.

*Rebounded by love.  Simple question:  Why are we so insecure when we have the matchless, unfailing, unconditional love of God?  Why do we, as Beth put it, “stand in front of someone with an empty cup begging them to fill it?”  Affirmation from others should not be where we find our security.  I love the example she gave of the disciple John.  Out of all four gospels {Matthew, Mark, Luke and John} only one of them refers to John as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”.  You wanna guess which one that was?  Yep, the book of John.  He referred to himself as that.  He knew how much Jesus loved him.  How different would we live if we knew how much He loves us?

*Exceptional in life.  Everyone of us has a need for significance.  A need to feel exceptional to someone.  But what if we started living life as the exception?  What I mean by this is what if we reacted to things differently than the world?  As Beth put it:

  • No one talked to me when I was new here.  Well, except for her.
  • Its hard to feel like a woman after a mastectomy.  Except she does.
  • No one stood up for me when I was wrongly accused.  Except for her.
  • No one would possibly show their face again at church after that {insert any horribly embarrassing situation}.  Well, except her.
  • No one can be secure in an intimate relationship after sexual abuse.  Well, except for her.

Be that ONE WOMAN that is different from the rest.  Be the exception. One that walks securely in who she is in Christ.  One who is clothed with strength and dignity. 

I know this was long but I hope it was helpful to someone.   I am still processing everything I learned and I know it will not be an overnight process for me.  I want God to heal my insecurities and it starts with me choosing each day to put on the new {secure} self. 

I’ll leave you with this.

When we know we are loved, we love.  When we know we are forgiven, we forgive.  When we know we have grace, we are gracious. 

{If you missed it yesterday, I posted my emotional and mental experience here.}



  1. Such great stuff! I wasn't able to attend, but after reading everyone's blog recaps, I feel like I was there. Thanks, girl!! :)

  2. wow!!!
    what a great recap of all you learned :o)
    i'm taking notes off of all you girls blogs…

    bless you…

  3. I felt like I was there all over again! Such good stuff!!

    Love ya, girl!! :)

  4. Thank you for posting this! I just started So Long Insecurity, the book, last night. I'm so excited to dive into this book. At 27, almost 28, I've become a lot more secure with myself however I'm still a work in progress.

  5. THANK YOU. Yes, you helped someone.

    I needed this.

    If my blog alone doesn't say it… I'm far from secure, sometimes full of jealousy and daily struggle to be content in the knowledge that in Christ I am infiniately loved and accepted.

    Thank you for the reminder. I need to read this again.

  6. Thanks for sharing this! Insecurity is definitely something that all women struggle with. I'm reading her book now and am loving it!

  7. Oh I love how you typed up your notes for a blog post. I might copy them and save them to my computer!

  8. I love that you shared your notes! So good!! Love this and your heart!
    I am loving that you came away from Atlanta with a great word, and then sharing it with us!! The part about self idolatry, wow. So much truth to that!!

  9. Trina! I've got to be straight up honest. So I just popped over from the comment you left on my blog and I just gasped. You were sitting like 2 rows in front of me. You know how I know this? Because I'm pretty sure I admired your precious haircut the entire time. Hilarious! And such a small world. So yes, I too was in the overflow and right behind you. Crazy! Anyway, definiltely adding you to my reader. From what I can tell from your fun blog and the back of your hair, you're adorable!

  10. Trina this was just SO GOOD. I needed to read this tonight. I mean I read this post at the EXACT time that I needed to read it. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used by God to minister to others.


  11. Awesome post! EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Wasn't even sure how to put into words some things that have been bothering me. Now I know how to help solve these things. Funny how you don't know what's wrong until you see it in someone else's words! Thanks for sharing!